i feel really terrible that i can relate with whoever wrote this.

all i can listen to lately is:



today at work a customer was complaining to his friend about how he had been "working like a dog" and was really tired and stressed lately.
another customer behind the man complaining told him that he was blessed to have a job and to be working at all in such a terrible economy.
i thought it was strangely optimistic and really sad to overhear.

orientation today

im happy to be working at starbucks again.

even though i would love to stray away from large corportations such as starbucks coffee, im desperate for a job and have always loved working there.

its something im familiar with and comfortable doing.

its going to be quite a bike ride, but at least i can look forward to serious leg muscles at the end of the summer.

at this point, i think my options are slim for the month of july.

im starting to want to stay here, but ill end up being homeless for an entire month.

im starting to feel like when i get used to living alone i do something to take a lot of steps backwards towards dependency.

also, in an attempt to grow up, save money and avoid saying things i dont completely mean, i think im going to take a drinking siesta.

while it may seem easy since im not yet of drinking age, i think it will be surprisingly difficult.

but at the same time, i think im tired enough of being overdramatic, sad/superficially happy,embarrassing, ect.

i found this and i liked it.

a solid soul and the blood i bleed.

"we must look at it objectively, were grown up, rational people, nothing is too serious..."
"katie! youre talking some fallen girl out of her problem. youre speaking about yourself"
"is there any essential difference?everybodys problems are the same, just like everybodys emotions"

....

im really into them right now.

people read this?!

p.s. i am still not finished with the fountainhead.

i have this horrible tendency to get really close to finishing a book then becoming bored with it.

im going to try finishing by the end of the week.

then moving on to freedom from the known.

i love nico.

my new kitten is the cutest thing on the face of the earth.
im really surprised at myself for assuming such a maternal-like relation towards her.
i hate kids! and ive always been someone who never really wanted any for my own.
unless, theyre adopted ugandan babies.
but even in that case, im not sure i could handle it.
regardless, i love her.

this weekend im going home and celebrating my birthday three times!
im pretty excited.
strangely enough, i havent even seen my parents or brother for almost three months.
i didnt even realize it had been that long.
there were so many other things diverting my attention this entire time that i completely lost track of the days.
im losing time to my memories and my sanity.

im also still contemplating my summer plans.
its going to be a pretty important decision, i think.
i mean, it decides whether i face my life here or run to the comfort that i usually claim doesnt exist.
the relatioship that i have with my mom has always been weird, so when i think about running back to her, i cant help but question whether or not its what i really want.

i dont want to run away. there are so many people here i love.
and there are so many things im still waiting to figure out, to understand, to hear.

saw this and realized how much ill miss brunswick street

good gracious.

things have changed a lot.

but, i still have my best friends.

its cool that we all went through this year together.

so many things have happened to all three of us.
sometimes i felt alone, but i know that i shouldnt have.