the other night i had another nightmare.
even though i hate using the term "nightmare" because it sounds so juvenile, i cant really think of any other way to describe it.

in the dream, courtney and i were at school and courtney started dating all the people that i have dated or been involved with in the past.
she said that she thought i was stupid for letting them all "go" and that each guy was good for me.
but since i "didnt see it", she went behind my back, initiated the relationships, and got upset when i didnt understand her rationale.

when i confronted her about dating one specific person, she said that he was a great boyfriend to me and that she wanted to know what being treated well was like.
so she started trying to get his attention, and eventually they both wondered how i could be so selfish and keep them from being together and happy.

in an effort to keep from seeming selfish, i tried to forget about it and move on.
so we all went this strange fun house/amusement park
and i see her with everyone, enjoying the attention and presence of all her potential boyfriends that had come with us.
we walked for hours and i realized that i was standing alone.
to eliminate the embarrassment of having no one to ride the rides with, i bolt for the first seat every time and let no one sit by me.
courtney, on the other hand, has several people to choose from and of course, chooses the guy that would make me the most upset.

in the end, i decide to jump off the ride, and choose to leave the entire place, abandoning courtney and the other guys that i once knew and loved.
i see my brother, my parents and courtney all looking for me but choose to stand outside, alone.