guh,

i feel weird that im blogging, especially since its been so long.
like, maybe i should have some monumental news to inform the world of.
or maybe i should have had some serious trauma that i need to talk about in order to make myself cope better.

but no, i dont. just the same tangent as usual.
my loss of faith in anyone, my dissatisfaction with the people i have interacted with in the last few days, weeks, months.
its hard, getting to know someone and making one decision that is inevitably going to ruin everything.
and its hard, trying to be the person that you want to be and still trying to be the person you know that others would love you to.
its this constant battle between yourself and the outside world.
but who wins?
i feel like the answer lies in my unhappiness with people.
i guess in a sense, i win. but simply because im content knowing that i havent sacrificed myself for the sake of others.
but for what?
for the loneliness that emerges out of nowhere.
all of a sudden. with no warning, no capabilities to plan or prepare.

shit sucks. i cant wait to find someone that changes my mind.
wherever you are, i love you.