no self-control

im eating cottage cheese right now.
im not ready for veganism.

so last night i became sad drunk. the side of me that everyone hates to see.
its the side that no one ever really witnesses because it only happens when i just have too many things bottled up inside and i decide to drink wine on the back porch.
courtney and i ended up looking back on this year and thinking about how much our lives have changed. how many ridiculous situations weve been in. how the feeling of being taken advantage of by someone is the worst indescribable feeling imaginable.
with the school year quickly coming to a close, its nice to know that i got through it without getting arrested, pregnant, or deemed clinically insane.

maybe that sounds like things that i shouldnt be proud of, but im officially the only person in my entire family (including extended) to finish one full year of college immediately after high school without one of the aforementioned things getting in the way.
its just weird how, when i was i high school, i thought that college was no excuse for a person to change or evolve into a person different from what he or she was before.
i guess its just impossible to judge unless its happened to you.
ive had many highs, many lows, and many nights that was i humiliated for when i woke up the next morning.
some people back at home hate me now, some people from home have become better friends to me than i ever imagined.

ive met and fallen in love with so many beautiful people in richmond that id almost be content never meeting another human being for the rest of my life.
i fell in love with someone that could easily be my soulmate.
even if he wasnt, i would be happy enough knowing we had that kind of relationship once.
before all the feelings went sour. before all the outside factors became apparent and unavoidable.
my friends, though sometimes unecessarily caught up in the game of appearances, have all become my best friends, my loves.
there are so many people that are important to me; whether in chesapeake, richmond, or anywhere else i may be.

its strange that i post beginning with a non-vegan confession turned into my freshman college year reminiscence.